Fun Fact:
Famous Right Elbows My Left Elbow Has Touched:
- Gavin Castleton (skin on skin)
- Dave Chappelle (expensive leather on skin)
Wait, what.
Two or three years ago I went to some shitty concert at the request of a friend. When I say “shitty” I mean “My Chemical Romance were headlining” and also that band Monty (then Monty Are I) were opening. I wouldn’t go so far as to call them shitty, but I will say that their asses appeal to me much more than their music. And from what I recall, only one had a nice ass.
This friend happened to know the guys in Monty so we hung out by the merch table for most of the day. Everyone was pretty nice, but I mostly stuck to talking to Marissa. Marissa was in the same boat as I, The S.S. We Hate This Music, Why Are We Here boat.
After Monty played we had the best time of our lives at that merch table. Why? Because we snuck into the background of every fan photo that we could manage to sneak into. Goofy faces, thumbs up, angry faces. It doesn’t sound like much, but it makes me laugh every time I think about it. Then we waited for pictures to show up. We waited and waited. Finally Marissa found one on a message board. There this girl was, all happy with some dude from the band and there Marissa and I were in the background, thumbs up, grins huge. Just douche bags in general. We’re good at that.
This was also the day we met Gavin Castleton and obviously fell in love after speaking to him for over an hour. And lust. Mostly lust. He wrote a song about his dog, guys, how could I not lust after that? He also laughed at my jokes that night. And while standing in a circle, his right elbow touched my left elbow several times.
Oh my god, I lost no followers after publicly admitting that I, a redheaded, white college girl, must forcibly restrain herself from using the n-word in jest after watching Katt Williams?
Surely someone objects. Just unfollow, all of you. It’s even better if you’re asian or Indian because if you’re black and unfollow it’s just so OBVIOUS. I didn’t capitalize asian because they’re not important enough. Also because fuck backspacing.
I mean, setting aside the fact that I’ve never seen him live and therefore should not be taken seriously on this matter, I have to say that Katt Williams can work the stage like no one I’ve ever seen. Talented as all fuck.
Also, remember the first few times you had a Mitch Hedberg Listening Party for yourself and you walked away with just a hint of his speech pattern? Or how the first time you watched Dane Cook in an ironic manner you started to TALK LOUDLY?
Every time I watch The Pimp Chronicles I have to remember, It’s not okay if I walk out of the house saying the n-word after every sentence, no matter how much funnier it would make that sentence. Just don’t. Don’t even say it. Stop thinking about saying it. Stop thinking about that bit about “this shit right here, nigga? this shit right here?” because you’re going to say it out loud and nothing good will come of the entire situation.
The other day I stole an orange from a market stall. It was EXACTLY like Aladdin.
Street rat. Scoundrel.
This is the severalth day in a row in which I was awake before 7 AM. This is completely and utterly out of character, as I rarely see 10 AM unless I have work or school that morning.
Snooze Cruise, cabin for one.
You know those days when you had less than three hours of sleep? And then you must work 9 hours? At a place where seats don’t exist for employees? Which is fine, because it would only be Temptation Island in the middle of the Gothic Teenage sea because you work in a fucking mall? And also a security guard over heard you speaking to a dog like it knew the plight of the overprivileged 20 year old? And then also instead of winking back at someone who winked jokingly at you, you just said “WINK.” and then laughed and laughed while no one else laughed?
That was today and you don’t even know how happy I am to lay down for a nap. I’m EXCITED for this nap.
Today is a funny day, I CAN FEEL IT.
