2008

Oh my god, Jon and Kate Plus 8 needs to settle down on the...

Phenomen’Eyes Mascara. I hope it comes with directions...

Johnny Depp, Kate Moss — Annie Leibovitz,...

Whatever.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower tried too hard. There. I said it. That’s been on my chest...

Whenever I start to hum, which turns out to occur only when I’m the computer with no music...

So apparently here’s what my friend and I do after smoking a bowl: Have a dance party Watch a...

OHHHH. DISCUSSED AND DISGUST ARE HOMONYMS. I didn’t realize this until just now? Once my...

I mean, I don’t WANT to admit this, okay, but it’s so weird that I feel like I...

Becca knows how to bribe. (You know, despite the fact that...

“The quest to find yourself is an overrated thing concerning...”
— This is probably the last one....

“Everything changes, except death. Billions have died before...”
— KL gets deep, stays...

“Chanel is an institution, and you have to treat an...”
— Karl Lagerfeld, put it in me.

Hyperventilate. That belt. That chain. Those...

Tonight I became obsessed with Karl Lagerfeld. It’s...

“They sent a private jet. I said, ‘It’s too small. I need a...”
— Karl Lagerfeld. We should all...

When the pawn hits the conflicts he thinks like a kingWhat he knows throws the blows when he goes to...

whine, whine, whine, bitch, bitch, bitch. 

I wonder how many people I would be closer to if I never opened up. If I didn’t present myself...

Fun Fact:

Famous Right Elbows My Left Elbow Has Touched: Gavin Castleton (skin on skin) Dave Chappelle...

Two or three years ago I went to some shitty concert at the request of a friend. When I say...

“In the end, everything is a gag.”
— Charlie Chaplin (via...

Oh my god, I lost no followers after publicly admitting that I, a redheaded, white college girl,...

doubleyoudoubleyoudoubleyou: The other day I stole an orange from a market stall. It was EXACTLY...

This is the severalth day in a row in which I was awake before 7 AM. This is completely and utterly...

Snooze Cruise, cabin for one. You know those days when you had less than three hours of sleep? And...

Today is a funny day, I CAN FEEL IT. 

(via etrangere)

hmm

kelsielubsthebub: i love thatpeople think being on a boat suddenly gives them permission to wave at...

Steve Martin will always be a major babe in my book.

jessicap: “If I had a world of my own, everything would be...

“Pre-marital sex: FOR THE SIN!”
—  Dooce

You guys, no big deal, I’ve just been keeping a month...

There is something almost perversely enjoyable in someone who you are nearly certain you have never...

“I’m going to write ‘boners ahoy’ on a...”
— T-Rex. Also, my humor for the...

So maybe I have 6 anos of espanol under my belt, mi amigos. That isn’t going to stop me from...

It’s been too long since I’ve been to a haunted house. Why are all the best things...

Michael Showalter said that a lot of people thought Wet Hot American Summer was all kinds of unfunny...

(via paulscheer) I can’t stop staring at the color of...

meaghano: I never feel so intimidated as when I go to a coffeeshop for the first time. No kidding....

On the way to work this afternoon, I heard this feisty little radio commercial. I don’t know...

It’s okay to be on the internet at 2:03 AM, right? Totally okay? It doesn’t reak of...

Sometimes I find ASW trite and other times I still love...

Thoughts I've Had That I Thought Were...

Or: Fuck My Butt, Society. 1. The greatest website idea in the world. Hot Guys Holding Cute...

(via commacommachameleon and others) So in 5th grade I had...

MY STYLE IS IMPETUOUS! MY DEFENSE IS IMPREGNABLE! AND I’M JUST FEROCIOUS! I WANT YOUR HEART! I...

Things I learned at the mini family...

Uncle A set the following things on fire as a child: A mattress A field Some trees The...

Today I went to the Flea Market with my dad. I’ve only been a handful of times before, most of...

Long story short, the only song I have on my computer right now is a cover of Britney Spears’...

“It’s not just you, Bret, it’s all the...

I want to live in a world where James Franco bites my nose...

I think the greatest moment in modern pop culture was when K-Fed and Britney broke up and then...

CakeWrecks.com

My bird. Soon to be. Maybe? There’s 5 and they all...

Nephew smiles a whole lot now.

Confession

I pretty much find the Olympics boring and it only reminds me of when I was obsessed with late night...

I’m terribly, incredibly, superbly bored. On a Friday night. The first day of my first weekend...

“Truly we are living in blessed times when the words...”
— Michael Ian Black and I share...

I can’t shake the feeling that Steve Jobs is watching me through that little lens at the top...

Marissa and I have long discussed and...

Mid 20s/30s + Hot + Dad = I want to ruin your marriage. On the counter, in front of your wife and I...

Co-worker's boyfriend.

I spoke to the dude for all of 5 minutes. During these 5 minutes he managed to sneak in the type of...

allybrooke35: The forementioned puppy.  He doesn’t look like...

You gotta have faith-a, faith-a,...

Waking up to George Michael ain’t so bad. I have what should be an embarrassing amount of love...

LOLZ CONNECTION

dietcock: From The Hollywood Reporter, the stupidest fucking idea I’ve ever heard in my...

Two men from Georgia have claimed that they found a dead Big...

Losing 3 followers after abortion post (too serious for tumblr, probably was meant for livejournal)...

youequalsfucktard: caragh: via jessicap and several...

Wake Up Call. Or, Mortified.

I bought a case and sleeve for my laptop and a case for my iPod on eBay last night. I get super...

I have supported friends before and after abortions; I have never, ever judged a friend on getting...

“I’m sick of mediocre shit.”
— James Franco

via jessicap and several others) Every time I see something...

I hate when sales people ask me my name and then proceed to use it multiple times during...

Ooh, Devastatin’ Dave, you so devastatin’.

I would go to jail for 17 year old Daniel Desario.

This is a mini-trash barrel that is 7” deep full of...

In an effort to organize my life, I am trying to throw out or donate anything that I do not use on a...

I think I’m going to buy an external hard drive for my external hard drive. I don’t...

I can’t stop trying to right click. I also am confused about scrolling with the mousepad. What...

Featured on Conan last night was a puppy shooting up heroin. A topic I blogged about two or so weeks...

Oh, okay. My aunt is buying me a MacBook. I protested, I did. This is not a necessity. These things...

I daydream about doing this. I think if I pasted my head...

Today I spent

$300 towards credit cards $150 for contacts $550 for school down payment $142 for car insurance $63...

UGHHHH EVERYTHING IS AWFUL.

“August is the month when wars start. It’s when water dries...”
— Al Aronowitz, August...

Plans, ripped out from under me without my consent. Despite the fact that Canada has not moved...

Are you going to Canada August 15 - 18? Yes. Who is going on this very exciting trip with you? My...

Good-bye, $125. Hello, new windshield for my ‘90 Buick Century that was given to me by my...

“They’ve been around me since day one, but so has...”
— Pete Doherty, on drugs. I...

“HUNNHHH? HUNNNH?”
— Deputy Raineesha Williams

Niki: What is a CCD?
Me: Sunday school for Catholics, only usually not on Sunday. Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, apparently.
Niki: Omg. It’s a good thing that you went through it, otherwise you might’ve become a cynical misanthrope of some sort?
Me: HAHAHAHAH
Niki: I went through Catholic education bullshit too, and I’m no different… is there a connection there? Learn with god and hate mankind?

When I was 14 and in CCD, my 17 year old, male CCD teacher asked the class “who likes to chew...

PostSecret.

I feel boring.

It really creeps me out/scares me/intrigues me that I have the ability to kill someone. Or hurt...

Hot Damn.

Depressing Fact of the Day:

Whoopi Goldberg has had “about 50 lovers”.

Becca: But the Greeks found small penises more attractive.
Me: Well, I'm not Greek.

Musique Automatique!

I stared at this picture for a bit and then I realized that...

“Do you think it will be cold then? We went to Prague once in...”
— Ricky Gervais

I just wrote a decent-sized entry about Becca, and The Wonders of Our Friendship. Then I decided not...

jarredbishop: willie van groundskeeper (via limpfish)

I can be sassy, but I can never be BLACK and sassy. I just feel like this limits me in a lot of...

“Hey, Caragh, want to know what I call Batman’s crew?...”
— My brother, age 5. Who is much...

(via kendraspear)

If Will Ferrell ever manages to create or star in a movie that I can describe as “funny”...

I’m going to bottle urine and call it MockStar and it...

Every once in awhile I check my phone’s notepad because whenever I get drunk/stoned/whatever...

My favorite SNL skit, bar none.

Chris Farley: Right. I think we... I think we got time for one more question. Uh... remember when you were in The Beatles? And, um, you did that album Abbey Road, and at the very end of the song, it would... the song goes, "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"? You... you remember that?
Paul McCartney: Yes.
Chris Farley: Uh... is that true?
Paul McCartney: Yes, Chris. In my experience, it is. I find, the more you give, the more you get.
Chris Farley: [points at Paul and mouths "AWESOME!"]

Today a father came into the pet store with 6 kids who were all 10 or under. They were the worst....

In Montpellier I stayed in a château A boy climbed into my bed and he knew no boundaries And in...

This is a song I wrote when I was driving behind an old person for about 15 minutes: Old peopleI...

kendraspear: FFFFOUND!

“What have I done to deserve love? asks the humble lover…...”
— — Alain de Botton (via...

The past tense of the phrase “Glow in the dark” is not “Glue in the darked”....

I suddenly just remembered that time I got into a straight up argument with a homeless man about...

Am I alone in thinking that Ryan North, creator of Dinosaur...

So.

yellowzebra: Have you ever missed someone that you kinda really really really wish you didn’t miss...

I love good beards.

I entered the computer room where the desktop and router are to see what was up as my laptop...

I can’t believe how high my expectations were for The Dark Knight and how far the movie...

kattt: (via scout) Oh my goodness. For an ENTIRE YEAR I have...

Listen

I know that this is both morally and logically unsound, but the thought of an evil midget terrifies...

My manager and assistant manager have been fighting for the past 4 months and things have never been...

Soooooooooooooooooooooooo

oooooooo hottttttttttttttttttt. 91 degrees, I don’t even think this is the hottest it’s...

Why is my five year old brother so much cooler than me? This...

Basketball to the face.

For the past several weeks I’ve been trying to curb my swearing. Result:...